Sex Ed Isn’t Just for Teenagers

An Interview with Karishma Swarup, an Indian Sex Educator in Boston

Karishma Swarup is a disarmingly down to earth sex educator. In her classes and videos, she answers questions about all different aspects of sexuality with zero judgment, and instead meets people right where they're at.

Having taught sex ed in India before moving to Boston, Karishma's perspective shows how universal the need for accurate, shame-free sexuality information truly is.

We asked Karishma about the questions she gets from young people in India versus the U.S., how internet censorship is affecting how young people learn about sex online, and more.

Pleasure Pie: What kind of sex education did you get when you were younger?

Karishma Swarup: I went to a conservative catholic K-12 school in India, so sex ed was... confusing. To say the least.

We had excellent biology teachers, which meant that we at least got a good understanding of some basic concepts around reproduction. But as you can imagine, biology class didn't cover any of the practical, socio-emotional skills we needed in sex ed. We had a school counsellor who told us sex is a sport and all about experimentation, but also did not once talk about the practical aspects of how to use a condom.

There was a general assumption of "don't have sex till you're older" and "bisexuality is a disease"... but I was lucky that even at that age, I had access to a home computer and YouTube videos (Laci Green was my favorite!), so I knew I shouldn't fully believe some of the stuff I was learning at school. I owe my education when I was younger to Laci Green! 

PP: How do you teach sex ed differently than what was taught to you?

KS: EVERYTHING is different LOL. For starters, being bisexual is not a disease. I make sure I'm queer affirming—even in spaces/schools I visit where this might be more taboo to bring up. Everything I teach centers on youth autonomy and agency over telling people how to feel and what "moral" behaviors are.

Growing up in India as young girls, we were always taught how to "stay safe" and "avoid getting harassed," etc. My main approach has been to fundamentally shift the conversation to be more proactive rather than responsive. To show what good looks like in terms of consent practices. I've been talking about power dynamics, social justice, stigma, shame, pleasure and all of the other things that were brushed under the rug as central themes in sex ed instead.

PP: Do you notice any differences between the sex questions you get from folks in India versus the U.S.?

KS: One of the main differences I noticed was that young folk in the U.S. could be far more open and honest about having sex than Indian youth can be. There's an underlying assumption in the U.S. that high-schoolers might be sexually active in some capacity. While Indian high schoolers are also varying levels of sexually active, the culture overall dictates that it is much more taboo and silenced. This meant that some of the basic resources we offer in the U.S. were much more difficult to bring up in India—no free condoms, no easy access to STI testing or contraception. 

However, when people ask me about the differences across geographies, one of the things they miss is how much the questions I get from youth actually overlap across geographies. A lot of the Indian youth I've worked with speak English, use the internet, and watch similar TV shows on Netflix, etc.—this makes for very similar myths and misconceptions popping up across geographies. Everyone is equally confused about sex between two people with vulvas or whether masturbation has negative effects on health. 

PP: How has internet censorship affected how people learn about (or don't learn about) sex online?

KS: When I started doing sex ed on the internet and on social media, there was little to no censorship on Instagram. Over the years, there has been a shift towards conservatism. I've seen Instagram, in particular, dramatically censor content about sex ed globally, especially since Roe v. Wade was overturned here in the U.S. The effect this has is that educators like me and others who talk about sex ed online are now forced to self-censor the words that they use.

So when a young person goes on one of these apps and searches for a keyword like penis or any normal anatomical or sexual term, they are not necessarily going to get results from sex educators because sex educators are forced to misspell all of the terms that they use. And I think this is a huge detriment because it limits the reach of these creators, but it also makes it more difficult for people searching for this information to find our work. It also reinforces the idea that these words are taboo and should not be said out loud.

Unfortunately, to survive on these platforms, I have to use euphemisms instead of the actual terms we work so hard to encourage people to use. And conversely, jokes, memes that are misinformed or reinforce gender stereotypes filter through the cracks and make it through the algorithm. They tend to gain virality because, at the end of the day, people want to talk about sex. They want to learn about sex. They want to read and hear about sex.

These shifts in decision-making on the backend of these platforms have dramatically limited how we can use these tools to reach people. Studies have shown that this is a very sexist problem in particular. When we look at ads that have been flagged, ads for vaginal cancer care are more likely to get flagged than ads for erectile dysfunction. I'm constantly torn between reckoning with the values social media forces me to set aside and with the reality that it is still the best way to reach people right now. 

PP: What is a hard truth about sexuality and pleasure that people aren’t ready to hear, but you think it’s time?
(This question is from sex educator Goddess Cecilia who asks it on her Raw Bar Podcast.)

KS: You don't know everything you need to know. When I say you, I am addressing every single person, no matter how well informed you are, whether you are an adolescent or a sex educator who's been doing this work for years, or even a doctor. It's possible you know more than the average person, but I think everyone underestimates their own gaps in sexuality and pleasure knowledge. The more I have learned about the topic, the more I have realized how much there is that I don't know.

The problem today is that people have not received a lot or very good sex ed growing up, but after a certain age, it becomes less acceptable to admit that you might not know something. Also, your gaps in knowledge have been filled by less reliable sources of information, whether that is a random TikTok or pornography.

We need to normalize that as a full generation of adults, we don't know as much as we need to know, and we need to keep asking questions. We need to keep asking questions of our partners to understand how their bodies work. We need to ask questions about our own bodies, with our healthcare professionals, with our care providers, and through reading or learning. We need to ask questions of ourselves as well, so that we can keep reflecting on and learning beyond what we think we might already know.

Over time, our bodies change and our needs change—at every life stage, there is something new to learn. Sex ed is a lifelong practice; after a certain point, you have to become your own educator.

PP: What do you want to see change in the sex education field?

KS: I sometimes feel there is too much of an emphasis on language to the point that it can become detrimental to learning. In my experience, I am often speaking to individuals, young and old, for very short amounts of time. It is rare that I have a semester's worth of time to dive into sex ed concepts. It's usually workshops of a few hours or less. And in that time, overloading with information, terms, and definitions is not always the best way to teach sex education. And sometimes we get lost in explaining terms instead of explaining the underlying values and concepts that we want to influence.

For example, it is less important that one knows every type of sexual orientation out there, but more important that people understand there is a huge spectrum of diversity, that you need to respect other people's sexual orientation regardless of whether you understand it. Even if you don't have a label you identify with yet, there is likely a label for you out there and a community that identifies in similar ways to you.

Helping people understand and make these cognitive shifts is far more important than whether or not they use the right words to express themselves—as long as they are not invalidating and erasing someone else's identity with the wrong words. Language is a powerful tool and shapes our knowledge and understanding of complex ideas and topics. And in a world where the simplest language is the stickiest (think: Trump's ridiculous phrases—why do we remember them whether or not we want to?) and we are competing for people's attention, we need to think about how we reach people in ways that they will remember. 

PP: Where can people find your work?

KS: Check out my podcast @TalkYouNeverGot on YouTube! One of the things I'm trying to do to bypass censorship on Instagram is move towards YouTube and other platforms like Spotify that might be more welcoming to sex ed content. The rest of my work is on my Instagram @TalkYouNeverGot and some on my website talkyounevergot.com.