Sexual Fantasies Discussion
This discussion was created by Nicole Mazzeo of Pleasure Pie and a volunteer co-facilitator.
Key
Discussion Outline
Key
- Popcorn Style - Let people speak when they have something to say, in no particular order. Not everyone needs to speak.
Discussion Outline
- Introductions:
- Everyone goes around and says their name, the pronouns they use, and their spirit sea animal.
- Group guidelines:
- We're going to be talking about some sensitive things here. What are some things that would make you feel more comfortable talking about these things in this group? (Popcorn style)
- Do you have sexual fantasies? If so, who is in them? People you know? Celebrities? Imaginary/vague people? How often? When do you have them? (Let's wait until the next question to get into the details of what happens in the fantasies.) If not, do you have other kinds of fantasies? (What counts a sexual fantasy? Snuggling? Kissing? Spending time together? Holding hands? Bondage?)
- Go around in a circle so each person speaks, a couple of minutes per person.
- Have people get into pairs (ideally with someone they don't know very well). Have them discuss: (About 6 minutes)
- How do you feel about your fantasies? Are you ever uncomfortable with the content? Do you feel like you have control over what you fantasize about and when? Do you think it's okay to fantasize about absolutely anything, or do you think it should be more or less limited to things that would be ethical if you did them in real life? (Try to say this in a way that suggests an openness to any answer, not a "right" answer.)
- Then get back into the group and have people share what came up for them with the group. (Popcorn style)
- How do you feel about your fantasies? Are you ever uncomfortable with the content? Do you feel like you have control over what you fantasize about and when? Do you think it's okay to fantasize about absolutely anything, or do you think it should be more or less limited to things that would be ethical if you did them in real life? (Try to say this in a way that suggests an openness to any answer, not a "right" answer.)
- How do you feel about fantasizing about real people? Do you think you should get their consent to fantasize about them? If it's someone you know, would you feel uncomfortable/embarrassed around them if you fantasized about them? Why or why not? (Again, don't look for a "right" answer.) (Popcorn style)
- Do you think anyone fantasizes about you? How would you feel about that? Would you prefer that they ask for your consent first? (Popcorn style)
- Has anyone ever asked for your consent to fantasize about you? Or vice versa? (Popcorn style)
- Does it matter what the sexual fantasy is? (Kink vs. vanilla, just picturing them naked, someone you're currently dating, someone you've been sexual with before, etc.) (Popcorn style)
- Does it change things if you tell someone else about your fantasy? (i.e. your partner or a friend) (Popcorn style)
- Do you think anyone fantasizes about you? How would you feel about that? Would you prefer that they ask for your consent first? (Popcorn style)
- Do you get anything good out of fantasizing? (i.e. noticing new things you like, enjoying pleasure without catering to someone else's preferences, could be empowering, etc.) (Go around in a circle so everyone speaks)
- Any final thoughts or reflections? (Popcorn style)