It can be hard to find words you’re comfortable using to describe sexual stuff. There are so many weird or uncomfortable connotations that go along with sex-related words. But having a vocabulary you’re more or less comfortable using makes it a lot easier to communicate about sex with your partner(s), and with anyone!
Since better communication tends to mean better sexual experiences, it’s worth a shot!
My go-to words for sexual things
** I’m including an “Other options” section for each word, but there are so many options not listed here! These are just to get you thinking.
*** I’m including examples because in some cases they’re useful, but they’re mostly just fun. :)
- Vagina. It’s clear, everyone knows what I mean by it, and it’s to the point.
For example: “My vagina is getting all warm and tingly [because I’m] imagining putting your penis in my mouth.”
- Clitoris. I just kind of like saying the full name.
For example: “I usually need to have my clitoris touched in order to come.”
- Vaginal lips. This sounds kind of nice and pretty to me.
For example: “I have long vaginal lips.”
- Lips of my/your vagina
- Penis. It’s clear, not euphemistic, and everyone knows what it means.
For example: “I want your penis inside me.”
- Balls. I like that this is commonly used. I feel like there are connotations about them being gross (think “sweaty balls” or “hairy balls”), but it’s the best option I’ve found so far for myself. (I would especially love to hear your suggestions on this one!)
For example: “The skin on your balls is so amazing! It moves on its own!”
- Pubic hair. This feels neutral to me – not really connotations in any direction.
For example: “My pubic hair gets itchy when it gets too long.”
- Boobs. I grew up with this word being used comfortably, so it’s still the most comfortable option for me (unlike most of the other words on this list, which were never used growing up).
For example: “I like how much you like my boobs.”
- Other options:
- Butt. Another one that is comfortable because I grew up with it.
For example: “I love it when you grab my butt.”
- Wetness. This one isn’t quite as clear, but it’s the best I’ve come up with so far for vaginal fluids. For me, it feels surprisingly natural to say to someone that I’m being sexual with.
For example: “Is that my wetness on me or yours?” (Real life example; you’re welcome.)
- Vaginal fluid
- Vaginal discharge
- Vaginal secretions
- Come. I like this word for semen, because it’s commonly used and feels easy to say for me.
For example: “How did your come get in my hair?”
- Hard. I like how this one sounds! Mmm.
For example: “I love it when you get hard because of me.”
- Orgasm / Come. I use these interchangeably. I find them to both be clear and neutral. Come is probably a little sexier.
For example: “I won’t orgasm, but this feels really good.”
- Aroused / Horny / Turned on / Feeling sexual. Horny is still a little intimidating for me to say (I have so much shame associated with that word), but it’s getting a lot easier, and I like using it because it’s so common.
“Feeling sexual” is a favorite for me because it is a lot less scary for me to say, and sounds more open to a variety of feelings. Also, it is good for times that I don’t want to sound erotic or suggestive.
For example: “I’ve been feeling really sexual this week because I have my period.”
- Feeling sexy
- Lick your penis / Lick you / Suck your penis / Suck on you / Give you head / Put your penis in my mouth. I like all these options! They sound sexy to me. Not too clinical, but not too animated either.
For example: “I really want to put your penis in my mouth!”
- Go down on you
- Blow you
- Blow job
- Put you in my mouth
- Fuck my mouth
- Kiss your penis
- Lick your vagina / Lick you. These ones sound sexy to me too.
For example: “I love the sounds you make when I lick your vagina.”
- Go down on you
- Give you head
- Kiss your vagina
- Lick your pussy
- Be sexual with someone. I like this because it feels pretty connotation-free, and it’s a way to say sexual stuff happened while being extremely vague about what that consisted of (similar to hook up, except without the casual connotation).
For example: “I’ve been sexual with three new people since my break up.”
- Have sex (You can define this however you like; you just might want to make sure the person you’re talking to is clear on your definition)
- Have sexy times
- Do sexy stuff
- Connect sexually
- Have a sexy hangout
- Hook up
- Specific description (i.e. make out)
What words do you prefer to use when talking about sexual things? What am I missing?