​A little under a year ago, I started dating a guy (I’ll call him my “partner”) who was especially adamant about me enthusiastically consenting to every sexual thing we did.

It wasn’t that he was asking for verbal consent more often than my other partners. It was that he pretty much begged me to never do anything sexual with him that I didn’t fully want to be doing.

I went to San Francisco recently and one of my favorite parts was seeing where I could find zines. Here are the places I went!

Look, I’m not trying to romanticize this crap. Pain sucks. Sometimes, when it feels like I’ve been jinxed with the ability to pee sulfuric acid, or my clitoris is in no-chill, angry-like-the-Bride-in-Kill-Bill mode, I curse whatever vengeful deity is messing with my genitals.

But as much as I’d love to completely indulge in hyper-cynicism, I have to admit that dealing with pelvic pain has, in some ways, made my life better. And yes, that includes my sex life.

I made these self care themed resistance stickers the morning I found out that Trump won the election (back in November).

I wanted a project that would help me channel my upset feelings into something constructive. Since the election results were so upsetting to me, I imagined that a lot of other people would be similarly rattled. I worried that people might have an intense emotional reaction to the election results, and then become frustrated and jaded, which could lead to inaction in the long term. My hope for these stickers was to encourage people to take care of their emotional selves in a way that would make them more able to resist Trump’s impact long term.

1. If you date someone who does sex work, you respect and value their body and autonomy as much as you would anyone else. You don’t assume that they’re comfortable with rough sex, certain sex acts, casual sex, etc. You don’t view people’s bodies as being less wonderful if they’ve been sexual with a lot of people.

Here are some of the things I’m feeling most inspired by right now in the realm of sex-positivity.

There is a new apparel company in Boston whose mission is to promote consent! They’re called Let’s Be Clear, and I asked the founder, Rachel Verner, a few prying questions. I don’t know about you, but whenever I find out about someone doing creative consent education in my city, I want to know more

I am a rape survivor, and I like sex.

And I have nightmares about my abusive ex. And I have trouble orgasming with other people. And I worry about being assaulted most days. And I think I probably have PTSD. And I love being touched. And I like casual sex (and that doesn’t have to be an “unhealthy coping mechanism”). And I like loving and being loved. And I find my body really sexy. And I get insecure about whether I’m “doing” sex right/well. And I communicate about consent, STIs, and desires (theirs and mine). And I have creative, weird, kinky, complicated fantasies. And I remind myself all of the time that my desires (and lack of desires) are valid, and that my pleasure is worthwhile!

​It can be hard to find words you’re comfortable using to describe sexual stuff. There are so many weird or uncomfortable connotations that go along with sex-related words. But having a vocabulary you’re more or less comfortable using makes it a lot easier to communicate about sex with your partner(s), and with anyone!
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Since better communication tends to mean better sexual experiences, it’s worth a shot!

[Content notice: Rape and sexual coercion]

​Last night I went on my first Tinder date, and it was horrible!

One of the first things I saw upon waking up this morning was a video of a keynote speech by the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WoCSHN). They are currently at a conference that I am longingly following on social media called The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit

Tonight’s Sex Positive Boston discussion was a brainstorming session about what we all can do (individually and/or collectively) in response to Orlando, the police killings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, targeted killings of police officers, other recent incidents of police brutality, and racism and oppression in general. We did our best to think creatively about how we can contribute to positive change in light of these dark circumstances.

​There is no one right answer, and we are not here to tell you what approach is right for you!

This new zine explains how to approach people romantically/sexually in a way that is as positive and empowering for everyone involved as possible.